Kendra gave me Jane Eyre the musical and I have been enjoying listening to it so much! (Thanks Kendra!!!!!!) I really like the song Jane sings called "My Maker." A line of the song goes "when I come to rest He'll know I have harmed that which I love best" and if you know the story you know what she means, and even if you don't know the story I think you can identify. Every time I hear this song I think of these passages from the Arcana.

" All temptation is an assault upon the love in which the man is, and the temptation is in the same degree as is the love. If the love is not assaulted, there is no temptation." AC 1690 [3]

"Anyone who is undergoing temptation experiences doubt as regards the end in view. That end is the love against which evil spirits and evil genii fight and in so doing place the end in doubt. And the greater his love is, the more they place it in doubt. Unless the end in view which a person loves is placed in doubt, and even in despair, there would be no temptation. A feeling of certainty about the outcome precedes, and is part of, victory." AC 1820

I understand these to mean that we are tempted by what we love most and the more we love something the stronger the temptation. I feel like so often I am failing. Every time I conquer a temptation it comes back stronger. It makes me scared of the things I love. I find myself thinking "If I only loved that less the hells wouldn't attack it so strongly" which I'm sure is just what they want. They want to weaken my loves. "The greater his love is, the more they place it in doubt." So often I doubt things because the hells want me to, but when things are placed in doubt I have to think very hard about them and fight for my belief in it which strengthens the belief or love! Haha! The hells plans to ruin people's lives so often backfire. They also succeed for a time which only gives them more strength. Strength they don't deserve and shouldn't have. Now if I could only remember that in moments of temptation.

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Erase my answers, enter yours, post it on your journal. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things..nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same
1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

This was fun and it was definitely harder than I first thought!!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Alison
4 LETTER WORD: Arch
TV SHOW: American Idol
FAMOUS PERSON: Alan Rickman
BOY NAME: Andrew
GIRL NAME: Anne
OCCUPATION: Artist
A COLOR: Aqua
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Apron
BEVERAGE: Apple juice
FOOD: Artichoke
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Aftershave
A PLACE: Australia
REASON FOR BEING LATE: Avalanche
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Awesome!

We were calmly eating dinner. Laban often likes to pretend that the food is wood or trees or rocks etc. I was eating my spaghetti when he said "You're eating worms!" and I answered "eww!" and he said "It's okay: they're dead worms."

The boys got foam swords and have been fighting with them ever since. Today Laban started attacking me and Josiah and he said "You are the Philistines. I'm Jonathan!" We fought for awhile then Josiah got a sulky look and said "I don't want to be a Philistine!" and Laban offered to let him be one of the good guys. He and Josiah continued to whack at me and cry "Drive out the Philistines!"

When Matthew came in Laban explained who he was fighting and said "I'm Saul- I mean..." he paused for a moment then said "Wait, who is the guy who ate the honey he wasn't supposed to? Oh yeah, Jonathan. I'm Jonathan." I love how well he knows the stories!

(If you want to know where the story is it's 1 Samuel 14:24-45)

AC 1776. "Though it may seem paradoxical it is nevertheless perfectly true that angels have a better and fuller understanding of the internal sense of the Word when very young boys and girls are reading it than when adults do so with whom there is no faith grounded in charity. I have been told the reason why, and it is this: Very young boys and girls live in a state of mutual love and innocence, and so their most tender vessels are almost heavenly, being simply capacities for receiving which are able to be made ready by the Lord to receive. No awareness however of what He is doing enters into their perceptions except through a certain delight in keeping with their character and disposition. The angels said that the Word of the Lord is a dead letter, but that in everyone, when he is reading it, it is given life by the Lord, each according to his capacity to receive it, and that it is made alive according to the life in his charity and according to his state of innocence. This happens in countless and varied ways."

Somehow I don't think I've ever read this passage before. I was sitting in church today when Laban pulled a little quote card from his liturgy, or somewhere and part of this passage was written on it. I loved it and had to look it up when I got home. I like that I found this passage while sitting between my two nephews in church. They aren't old enough to be reading the Word, but they know recitations and do love church.

At breakfast this morning Laban asked "Mama, when will it be time to not go to church anymore?" I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that.

Eliza has been hearing from people at church and other places about how to make the baby come. We had Chinese food the other day because apparently spicy things help and she had Chinese food the night before she went into labor with Josiah. Also shrimp oil (which this Chinese food was cooked in) helps, apparently. Today we're having homemade pesto, because the spiciness is supposed to help, and someone at church today suggested chocolate cake. So we made a cake. Laban and I made the fudge icing... mmhhm! I can't wait till after supper! I like all these suggestions.

Now off to help the boys clean up before supper.

Edit: Pesto past was delicious, as was the cake. Now the boys are in their bath getting de-greased and de-stickiefied. Josiah sometimes gets bored if eating or decided he doesn't like to. We have been playing a game where I will try to get his food and he guards it by eating it, and sometimes I leave my food unattended and tell the boys that I hope no one touches it. When I look back Josiah has eaten several bites. Oh, man. I love his little laugh!

The weather this morning was SO beautiful. We got to go outside for a chunk of the morning and the boys played golf and rode their bikes, and the three of us weeded the driveway. Yes, the driveway because there were tall weeds coming up between the cement. The boys are both really good at getting weeds out roots and all. What glorious weather! I wish it would last.

Today we went to the mall. Or rather "The Natick Collection" because they're too posh to call it a mall. It is quite fancy and we stopped for some gelato at a crepe and gelato stand. Mmm-mmm! We went mainly so we could do some walking since it is WAY too hot to spend any length of time outside. We had a lot of fun, and even though the boys were running this way and that, no one seemed to be bothered. Either I'm imagining things or people are just nice around here. Pretty much everyone we passed in the mall smiled at the boys and made way for them as they charged by.

After dinner it poured rain and I believe hailed. It became much cooler and the rain slowed. We decided to go on a rain walk down to the town which is quite close. Like a walk from Glencairn to the Cathedral. We all put on our crocs (or "crocs" for some of us) and the boys pulled out their umbrellas. Eliza and I walked in the rain but the two little boys had their umbrella and they were so cute! Josiah looked like Christopher Robin with only his knees on down visible from under his umbrella. I wish I had gotten some pictures but I didn't want to take my camera into the rain. On the way back it started to rain harder and we ran the last stretch laughing all the way. I love the freedom of childhood I get around these boys. I feel happy to run in the rain and be happy.

I know it's not the same, but I feel like I know exactly what it means when it says "A sphere of innocence flows into infants, and through them into their parents, and affects them." (Conjugial Love 395). I'm not a parent, and I imagine this flowing sphere only gets stronger with that, but I know children's innocence affects me. This one thing in CL I can really identify with. I sometime think or imagine I know what love will feel like when it comes, but I don't really know. But I know I can feel innocence from children!

....that small societies are the best. Don't get me wrong, I love BA. At least some aspects of BA. I love the cathedral, and that so many people are there, but somehow things get too big. I feel like with so many people it's harder to get involved in things. Like "who do I contact if I want to contribute in such-and-such a way?" I don't know if it makes a lot of sense, but BA is too big for me. And church politics are so noticeable there. Even though the society here in West Concord is the very same religion, teaching the same doctrine, it feels different. Societies have different cares, even if the good and truth is the same, it manifests itself differently in each society. I'm sure there are problems here, but somehow because BA is so big the problems are magnified. Probably because in BA there are more people to make it there business what goes on. Obviously the fewer people there are the easier it is to make decisions.

I just feel if I lived in a small society I would feel so much less frustrated with the church as a whole. I would probably be semi-ignorant of all the things that bother me now.
(And my disclaimer (in case you haven't been reading my journal all along): I LOVE the New Church and her teachings, it is the earthly organization that I have trouble with).

The Challenge:
A. Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
B. See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another!(2.b., 2.c., etc...)
C. Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.


a) Driven to Ohio for Graeters Ice Cream (and only for that).
b) Been in 5 Gilbert and Sullivan's (not counting the living-room production of Trial by Jury)
c) Been in 5 weddings.

It seemed like a nice short trip. Maybe because I was entertained by sweet nephews rather than squished between brothers like most trips here. The first thing we did is go weed the paths at the church. Now we're figuring out supper... I'll write more later!

I was called Sally today. In fact, I was called many things. People were trying to come up with nicknames for me.

So, I'm off to Boston in the morning. It's funny to me that it is 10:20 and I am already so tired. I think I will head off to bed quite soon. A few packing things to do, and a few that can't be done till morning.

I liked today a lot. I enjoyed Panera and playing Apples of Apples on the Glenn's porch. So many fun things happened then. This evening I went to Chris's baptism and that was nice too. His little brother is really cute, and it was fun to visit with people after and laugh.

Ten in the morning (in Kempton this means 10:15) the parade starts and lots of families take part in historical garb etc. I admit I haven't been to too many 4th of July parades but my idea of them is it is usually a lot of kids in red, white and blue with decorated bikes, but but I love the entire family participation in Kempton.

After the parade, speeches. Usually impersonations of historical figures or other such fun speeches followed by a 21 gun salute. This year: pouring rain! I stood under my big red and white umbrella with almost the entire Brock family, Ben and a few other small children. In case you don't know, there are 8 in the Brock Family. It was sort of chilly in the rain so it was nice to have so many nice people to share my umbrella with.

Races happened even in the rain. I stood on the porch holding little Tovah and watching the clever Kempton men figure out how we were all going to picnic in the rain. They pulled out the hugest tarp I have ever seen and within what seemed like 4 minutes they had a huge tent set up across the lawn.

The men's acapella group sang, Dandridge played the harp, and all the while the tarp was filling with little pockets of water that would all of a sudden spill over the edge, cascading down.

After lunch it got less interesting. All though I would usually enjoy rain, I was not in the mood and I just felt damp, even under cover. Then the best part of the day started and we went to Becky's house and played games. No offense to the other people who were there (cause I love you too), but Garrett being there was SO much fun. I haven't gotten to visit with him much in a long time. It was only sort of last year, by which I mean two years ago, the last year he was at Bacon, but toward the end, that I really got to know him and appreciate him as a cousin and friend. But then, just when I got to know him he went away to school elsewhere and I never get to see him. So it was really fun to see Garrett, as well as all the other friends I get to see often.
(On a normal Kempton 4th there would be swimming and V-ball during the afternoon).

Afterwards we debated whether or not to "waste" the time driving to fireworks. What if they were canceled? But with Judah's persistence in finding out about the weather and calling others, and Miriam's strong wish to go, we went. It was worth it. Though because of the rain so few people were there and they didn't let us sit on the field. We sat in the stadium which ended up being ok after I got over the fact that half the fireworks you couldn't see because the tress were blocking them, and the noise echoed all around the stadium. Sometimes that would be ok, but it ended up being annoying because rather than feeling the sound of the fireworks in your chest, they rang in your ears. Not a pleasant ring, mind you.

We finished off the evening by singing our way back to the cars. We decided it would be silly to start off at once and waste gas in a line of traffic that wasn't moving, so we continued to stand in the parking lot and sing hymns in harmony. I love spontaneous singing! Then, just when we were about to leave the fireworks started up again. The view from the parking lot was much better than from the stadium and we had our own (practically private) firework display almost as goos as the first.

Altogether a good ending to a rainy day.

I Dreamed a Dream
And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

Stars
He knows his way in the dark
Mine is the way of the Lord
And those who follow the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward

Do you Hear the People Sing?
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

On My Own
On my own,
Pretending he's beside me.
All alone,
I walk with him till morning.

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.

Finale
Take my hand
And lead me to salvation
Take my love
For love is everlasting
And remember
The truth that once was spoken
To love another person
Is to see the face of God.
...
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.

Ok, I'm really only writing because I haven't written for awhile. I wonder if I'll even post this, because I usually write a sentence or two then realize I don't actually need to write anything. The reason for this journal is almost more to be able to read my friend's journals, but I do like posting things. I shouldn't be posting merely for the sake of posting though.

So I have to make some decisions today and very soon. What am I to do? There are so many things I want to do this evening and I can't decide, which might mean I don't do any of them.

Yesterday, when in the city we passed a bunch of those Les Miserables banners and it made me really want to go see it. So much to see, so little money. (Yes, I feel like I have plenty of time, just not enough money).

This reminded me of you, Merry. She talks about wanting to have her career in writing. I think it's really interesting. I don't know about your internet speed, but you can read it if you can't watch the video. I hope you enjoy it.

http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

So the power is out most everywhere. It went out at my house at about 8:30 Tuesday evening and is still off. We have awesome friends though who lent us their brand new generator so our fridge and freezer are plugged in which is a pretty awesome thing.

I was thinking of how pathetic I can be (most people?) when there is no power. All of the sudden there's nothing to do. I might be a little less annoyed if I actually enjoyed the book I am reading, but it's slow getting started, It's summer and I had that summer feeling of needing a Harry Potter book so I decided to listen to The Deathly Hallows on CD while cleaning around the house etc. I was using the dvd player cause it's easy to control with the remote and all. So of course what happens is a few chapters in the power goes out and my disk is stuck in the dvd player. With the awesomeness of backup batteries on the TV and DVD player I was able to eject it and have been listening to it on my boombox plugged into the backup battery. How long till it runs out? How long till the power comes back on? Several estimates are for Friday afternoon.
So long without power which brings me back to the patheticness of being without it. Are we so dependent on it that we can't do anything without it? I think I could easily live for awhile quite happily without electricity if I could be prepared. For example, I couldn't toast or warm anything this morning. If I had a kitchen with a fireplace and the old fashioned cooking things that would be different, and I could have dug an ice house and put chunks of ice in it. I think it would be really fun to have to live that way for awhile, but not suddenly, unexpectedly and with no time.

Since writing the above: But hey life is good... Dad just talked to Josh (at home) who said the power just came back on. Perhaps it is over. Who else is still without power?

What is with this song?